In Bad Feminist, a collection of essays by Roxane Gay, Gay unapologetically expresses her issues on a variety of topics, all within the central theme of the unrealistic expectations placed upon women and feminism. She criticizes the idea of essential feminism, the notion that there is a ‘right’ way to be a feminist and a ‘wrong’ way, and reflects on the pressure of the “feminist pedestal”, in which a feminist is a single ‘fuck up’ away from being cast out. While the book was published in 2014, Gay’s content is more than relevant. I found myself highlighting quotes in every chapter because they resonated so deeply with me and so adequately described our current cultural climate. I continually had to remind myself this book was not written last week or even last year.
Gay made me reflect on the pressures I, myself, put on feminism and on those public figures who attempt to further the cause. I find myself constantly trying to find the middle ground between under and overreacting. How do I acknowledge that we’re all human and are going to fuck up, including celebrities, but hold them to “appropriate” standards? Should I only support those who I would be proud to associate myself with, or be friends with? Is it ok that I still really like Taylor Swift or that I watched The Hangover even though Jeffery Tambor is in it (he was only in it for like 10 minutes total!!!)? I don’t know that anyone can provide me with a bulletproof guideline for how to handle each and every situation.
I think the feminist pedestal is all too real for each and every one of us. I struggle to find the middle ground because I too am on the feminist pedestal. I am constantly trying to legitimize my feminist status. I have committed my share of feminist sins, and I have seen others dethroned for less.
What I loved most about Bad Feminist were the ways in which Gay owned her own contradictions and biases. From just a single chapter I knew Roxane Gay was a highly intelligent, well written and extremely accomplished woman. I was in awe of the way so she so perfectly and eloquently captured my feelings on a variety of things. It was refreshing and comforting to see Gay’s so blatantly pointing out her own faults.
“I want to be independent, but I want to be taken care of and have someone to come home to…I listen to thuggish rap at a very loud volume even though the lyrics are degrading to women and offend me to my very core…I consider certain domestic tasks as gendered, mostly all in my favor…Then I feel guilty because the sisterhood would not approve”
Above all, Roxane Gay helped me identify, confront and accept my shortcomings as a feminist, to love myself despite my faults. Because of this, she gave me strength, pushing me to do and be better.
“I am a bad feminist. I would rather be a bad feminist than no feminist at all”
xoxo
Rose Hill
The Orgasm Girls 